Blocked

I have not written anything for a month. I feel anxious and empty.

Whenever I spent some more time in Germany, I feel like I left things unfinished.

Will, I ever get over my lost country, the reunification and whatever counts as history there now?

Don't misunderstand me, please. I do not miss the communists, the grey cities, the unfriendly and unhappy people. But for the short moment, when we stood up, learned the "upright" walking, I felt almost like I do belong.

We missed the chance to start something new, without outside interference from powerful companies and people who think there is only their way.

I don't know how to write about this. I watched some new documentaries about the "Treuhand" - not sure how even to translate this word. It was the new-founded government institution, whose job it was to privatize everything in the former GDR. It fills me with resignation. I went to some art exhibition of former East German Artist, now separated into state supporting (and supported) and half-forbidden. As if there was a clear line. As if people start either to rebel or to conform with 14 years of age and then nothing changed.

This whole subject drives me crazy. I should start recording my thoughts or follow the idea of a graphic novel.

Since everybody seemed to have watched the Berlin Wall coming down, everybody things this is an easy subject, with even a happy ending.

My very own fairy tale. Guess I better start illustrating it.